Theaker's House of Horror!
Issue 21! It seems funny to think now that being 21 used to be a big deal in Britain. When I was a youngster, everyone talked about their 21st birthday as the big one, the one for which a massive party would be planned. Now it seems to be barely worthy of note. It’s easy to see why – laws have changed, and reaching 21 is no longer the last barrier to adulthood. You can do mostly anything at 18 nowadays, and a good few things at 16 besides. In the US, it’s quite different – you still have to be 21 to drink, which always seems funny to us, as university studients played by actors in their thirties perpetually struggle to buy beer in the movies, even if it probably makes sense in a country in which so many teenagers drive.
I didn’t expect to get all political in this editorial, but while we’re here let me expound one of the ridiculous ideas I once came up with: the minimum legal age for smoking should go up by one year, every year. That done, everyone who can legally smoke now could continue up until their doubtlessly painful demises, while those who can’t legally smoke now would never be able to start. Okay, so like most of my ideas maybe it's a bit impractical!
My other, more practical, idea with regard to smoking is this: if someone stands near you at a bus stop, or sits on a bench beside you, and starts to smoke, you should feel free to trump as much as you like. This should be a general policy, endorsed by government, perhaps even given its own advertising campaign. I think it’s only fair that if your air is being polluted that you should respond in turn. The only foreseeable problem with this is the risk of blowing yourself up once your post-digestive fumes make contact with the cigarette’s lit end.
Where on Earth am I going with this editorial? That’s the problem with setting aside space for one of these things – you get to the end of the production process and there the space is, waiting to be filled. In an issue like TQF#19, that isn’t a problem, because that one had lots of different stories, and so I only had to write a little bit about each of them to fill the space up.
This time, I’ve only got two stories to talk about, and so there I go, wandering into areas that would be embarrassing if I talked about them in the pub, let alone in the pages of an august and serious journal like the one in your hands (or on your screen, if you are reading this online). And now, what’s worse, I realise I’ve used up almost all the space available without even getting onto the stories! Never mind, this may be the worst editorial of all time, but this issue contents two superb stories that more than make up for it! So, onward you go, to read the thrilling horrors!
First there’s "The Exile From Naktah", by Wayne Summers, by whom we previously published "The Walled Garden" in the aforementioned TQF#19. When reading this story I imagined it as being filmed by Hammer.
Then there’s "The Hatchling: Ante-Natal Anxiety" by my pal John Greenwood, following on from "Post-Natal Paranoia" in TQF#20. I like to think of this as Tintin scripted by Lovecraft and filmed by Guillermo del Toro. I hope you enjoy them both.
By the way, sorry for the cover painting! It may be rubbish, but I had fun painting it! – SWT
Editorial
Theaker’s House of Horror!
The Exile From Naktah
Wayne Summers
Lily * Klune
The Hatchling: Ante-Natal Anxiety
John Greenwood
The Ancient Mariner * Escaping Naseby * Reliving the Past * The Life of Scherlasky * Visiting Family * Old Haunts * Emergence * A Homing Instinct
The Quarterly Review
Mass Effect * Back to You
Helen and Her Magic Cat
Steven Gilligan
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