Monday, 18 May 2015

Ten tips for a happy marriage

I've been married for 19 years today. If one becomes an expert in something after 10,000 hours, then logically after 166,550 hours of marriage I am an expert in it 16 times over, so I feel entirely justified in offering my ten tips for a happy marriage:

1. Marry someone who already knows what a jerk you are.

2. If you have a row sleep at the opposite end of the bed rather than stomping off to sleep somewhere else. It's hard to be mad at someone's feet for what their mouth said.

3. Marry someone who likes the same TV programmes, because it's always going to be a cheap easy way to have fun together.

4. If possible, try to go to bed at the same time.

5. But get a Kindle with a built-in light so that you don't need to keep the lamp on.

6. Marry someone who thinks you're funny.

7. Be aware of their minimum expectations in the relationship and make sure you meet them.

8. Divide the household tasks up cleanly so that there's no arguing over whose turn it is to do something.

9. Never leave an empty toilet roll behind.

10. Be lucky.

If you've got any tips of your own, please let me have them in the comments! Our twentieth anniversary is now almost within reach and it would be a terrible shame if I fell at the last hurdle!


  1. My 18 year anniversary was on the 3rd of May. Here's mine.

    1. Keep time for yourselves to get on with all those crazy artistic pursuits.

    2. Cook together - and show the kids.

    3. Listen - even if it means pausing the TV in the middle of your favorite show's climactic finale.

    4. Be honest! 'Yes, your bum does look big in that, but not that.'

    5. Have a plan on how to deal with the 'Trainee Adult's' master plans of total house domination. In other words - a united front against the kid's devilish trickery.

    6. Laugh at yourself. 'You're going out dressed like that?'

    7. Always answer your mobile, always reply to a text.

    8. Remember to turn off the iron!

    9. Share everything whenever possible.

    10. Keep it fresh - sometimes opt for the unpredictable choice - it shows you're still evolving and thinking.

  2. Is everyone else single?
    Or happily divorced, or unhappily married?

  3. Or they lack our almost-certainly misplaced confidence! I agree with yours too, aside from the second. Mrs Theaker is dangerous in the kitchen, always spinning around with knives or scissors or hot pans in her hand, and I refuse to be in there at the same time as her.