Theaker’s Quarterly Fiction, allegedly the UK’s second-longest running sci-fi/fantasy/horror ezine, has opened its portal for art and fiction submissions for the eighth chapter in the UNSPLATTERPUNK! series. The possibly talented but more likely self-deluded Douglas J. Ogurek will once again assume editorial duties.
Unsplatterpunk, horror’s most contradictory subgenre, pummels readers with all the grossness, violence and debauchery of splatterpunk while embedding a positive message. It’s kind of like putting a vitamin in a milkshake… a milkshake consisting of bodily expulsions and innards.
Send us your morally enlightening filth of up to 10,000 words by April 30, 2025. We’re also looking for cover art submissions that support the unsplatterpunk concept. Note: this is a nonpaying market, but all contributors (and everyone) will have access to free PDF and EPUB versions of the anthology as well as the option to purchase paper copies at the lowest possible price.
Forget the squeamish fans of mainstream horror, the instructors who told you not to write with a theme in mind, and even the splatterpunk writers mired in nihilism and gore for gore’s sake. We’re open to any genre, from vile fantasy and gruesome sci-fi to backwoods perversion and raw realism, provided that your tale exaggerates the ultraviolence and subversive content of the splatterpunk genre plus conveys a virtuous message. It’s all disgusting… and it’s all enlightening.
Dig into the first seven anthologies, all available for free:
- UNSPLATTERPUNK!
- UNSPLATTERPUNK! 2
- UNSPLATTERPUNK! 3
- UNSPLATTERPUNK! 4
- UNSPLATTERPUNK! 5
- UNSPLATTERPUNK! 6
- UNSPLATTERPUNK! 7
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| The UNSPLATTERPUNK! anthologies amplify the distasteful content of the typical splatterpunk story while adding a lesson in virtue. The message can be straightforward or subtle — we’ve even used allegories. |
Why Are Stories Rejected?
Following are common reasons why UNSPLATTERPUNK! submissions don’t pass muster:
- Too tame. You’ve just written a story full of decapitations, amputations and eviscerations? We can get that by turning on the TV. How will you take it to the next level? We want something so disgusting and/or violent that it will knock the socks off the most desensitized reader.
- No positive message. You’ve completed a transgressive piece that will shock and disgust even the most dedicated splatterpunk enthusiast? Great. But if it doesn’t have some positive message – that’s where the UN in unsplatterpunk fits in – we’re not interested.
- Purple prose. When authors fall in love with their writing, they fixate on how they’re writing and lose focus on what they’re writing. We don’t care about what the sky is doing, how smoke drifts or what colour a character’s hair or eyes are… unless the descriptions contribute to the story. Don’t impress us with your language and vocabulary; impress us with your story.
- AI-generated stories. Don’t even try.
Tips on Achieving the Almost Impossible
“Unsplatterpunk is an exceptionally demanding genre in which to write, requiring an almost impossible balancing act between the disgusting and the morally uplifting,” states author, criminologist, philosopher and aesthetic commentator Dr Rafe McGregor.
Having gone through this process seven times, we offer potential submitters the following tips:
- Approach your subject matter with a thirteen-year-old boy’s “gross is great” mentality and your writing with the technical skills of a seasoned fiction writer.
- Make the story as attention-seizing as a T-rex at a butterfly garden.
- Develop content so revolting that readers think to themselves, Why am I reading this?
- Don’t forget humour. The over-the-top nature of these stories means there’s an element of humour in them. When authors take their subject matter too seriously, their work often devolves into dramatic hogwash.
- Imagine a man with a violin standing next to you as you write. Each time your writing gets dramatic, he starts playing. Don’t let him play! Fewer big words, abstractions and philosophical concepts – more story.
- Avoid standard revenge tales, which most often fail to deliver a positive message. It’s a cop-out, and it’s an overused concept in extreme horror.
- Don’t tack a moral lesson onto your conclusion; embed it into your story.
- This isn’t a cologne commercial or a performing arts student’s one-act play. Don’t end your story in a quagmire of esoteric nonsense.
- Our thoughts on classic creatures: Vampires brooding around a castle? Cliché. Zombies wandering deserted city streets? Dumb. Werewolves at a sexual harassment prevention training seminar? You have our attention.
- Read everything you can get your hands on, especially splatterpunk. You need a baseline from which to launch.
- Read previous entries in the UNSPLATTERPUNK! series. Why not? They’re free.
- Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t write your story in a chatty style full of colloquialisms. You’re writing to your reader, not your bestie.
The Gory Details
Send stories (no poetry, please) and artwork to TQFunsplatterpunk@gmail.com. Put “UNSPLATTERPUNK! 8 submission” in the subject line. In your cover letter, include a bio and tell us about the positive message your story conveys.
- Deadline: 30 April 2025
- Max word count: 10,000
- Reprints: No
- Multiple submissions: Yes
- Simultaneous submissions: No. We’ll get back to you within a couple of weeks.
- File type: DOC (preferred) or DOCX files for stories; PDF or JPG files for artwork
- Payment: This is a nonpaying zine. However, free PDF and EPUB files will be available to everyone.
After publication, you are free to reprint your story elsewhere, but please credit Theaker’s Quarterly Fiction for original publication. See the TQF standard guidelines for additional information on rights and legal matters.
A Note on No Payment
Because our contributors do not receive monetary payment, some have accused us of using authors’ “slave labour” to get rich. The UNSPLATTERPUNK! series (and the TQF ezine in general) is not a moneymaking venture. Rather, it’s a group of dedicated hobbyists trying to have some fun and maybe just make the world a better place. That’s why we make PDF and ebook versions of all UNSPLATTERPUNK! anthologies available for free (with an option to purchase a hard copy on Amazon). Over the course of the UNSPLATTERPUNK! series, we have collected next to nothing from hard copy sales, and all of this nothing has gone right back into the publication of the anthology.
Nevertheless, if writing is your job – or one day you want it to be your job – then of course you won’t want to do it for free. Submit your stories to a paying journal or anthology, or save them for your collection. And if you’ve been inspired to write something unsplatterpunkish, let us know so we can send readers your way! (And one thing we do offer contributors are free advertisements in the magazine for future projects relevant to our readers.)
Also, keep in mind that while some anthologists select contributors from a tiny pool of acquaintances, we take a different approach here. First, our sole criterion for acceptance is a good story that follows the parameters. Thus, everyone who submits has an equal chance of getting a story selected. Second, we read every submission from beginning to end. If we reject it, we tell you why. If we find promise in a story, we work closely with the contributor to make it as tight, violent, nauseating and illuminating as possible.
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| Earn the UNSPLATTERPUNK! badge. Submit stories and artwork by 30 April 2025. |
Go Ahead: Yuck It Up
Readers who want to be disgusted and shocked by the content they consume continue to multiply. What appeals to them? Story, clarity, originality and above all, yuckiness.
Help us revolt against pointless splatterpunk by giving readers what they want and infusing the story with an uplifting takeaway. Join the growing ranks of the UNSPLATTERPUNK! army including such luminaries as Hugh Alsin, Antonella Coriander, Harris Coverley, Garvan Giltinan, Chisto Healy, Joe Koch, Eric Raglin, Triffooper Saxelbax and Drew Tapley.
What triggers your moral compass? Environmental destruction? Intolerance? Poverty? Inequality? Speciesism? Write us a story that shows us how to deal with it.
Now is the time to give splatterpunk readers a kick in the crotch. Make them cringe. Make them gag. Make them squeal. Dump all the barbarity, carnage and vileness you can into your milkshake, but don’t forget to mix in that virtue vitamin.
You have until 30 April 2025.
Shock us. Nauseate us. Edify us.
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